Untitled Document
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<%
if uCase(Trim(Application("dcDatabaseType"))) = "SQL" then
dbTrue = "1"
else
dbTrue = "true"
end if
set dcTrafficConn = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Connection")
dcTrafficConn.Open Application("dbConnectionString")
'Determine if "site of the moment is up and if not, add back
traffic_site_of_moment = trim(application("traffic_site_of_moment"))
traffic_site_of_moment_time = trim(application("traffic_site_of_moment_time"))
if traffic_site_of_moment = "" or (not isDate(traffic_site_of_moment_time)) then
traffic_site_of_moment_time = now()-1
end if
if dateDiff("h",traffic_site_of_moment_time,now())>=.5 then
'We need a new traffic_site_of_moment
strSQL = "SELECT TOP 1 site_id, site_name FROM tblTrafficTrade WHERE site_active = 1 AND DateDiff(dd, date_last_click_in, getdate()) <= 3 ORDER BY NEWID()"
set siteHourRS = dcTrafficConn.Execute(strSQL)
if not siteHourRS.EOF then
traffic_site_of_moment = "" & siteHourRS("site_name") & ""
traffic_site_of_moment_time = now()
else
traffic_site_of_moment = "Girls Kissing Girls"
traffic_site_of_moment_time = now()-1
end if
application("traffic_site_of_moment_time") = traffic_site_of_moment_time
application("traffic_site_of_moment") = traffic_site_of_moment
end if
toplist_reset = trim(application("traffic_toplist_reset"))
if toplist_reset = "" then
toplist_reset = now()-2
end if
LastTrafficReset = trim(Application("traffic_LastTrafficReset"))
if LastTrafficReset = "" then
LastTrafficReset = now()-2
end if
if (toplist_reset="") or (not isDate(toplist_reset)) then toplist_reset = now()-1
'printout("LastTrafficReset: " & LastTrafficReset & " | toplist_reset: " & toplist_reset & " | now(): " & now() & " | dateDiff(""n"",toplist_reset,now()): " & dateDiff("n",toplist_reset,now()) & " | dateDiff(""d"",LastTrafficReset,now()): " & dateDiff("d",LastTrafficReset,now()))
if dateDiff("d",LastTrafficReset,now())>=1 then
theSQL1 = "UPDATE tblTrafficTrade set total_clicks_in = total_clicks_in + clicks_in, " &_
"total_clicks_out = total_clicks_out + clicks_out, " & _
"total_force_out = total_force_out + force_out"
theSQL2 = "UPDATE tblTrafficTrade set clicks_in = 0, clicks_out = 0, force_out=0"
theSQL3 = "DELETE FROM tblTrafficSetup WHERE setup_name ='LastTrafficReset'"
theSQL4 = "INSERT INTO tblTrafficSetup (setup_name, setup_value) VALUES('LastTrafficReset','" & now() & "')"
dcTrafficConn.Execute(theSQL1)
dcTrafficConn.Execute(theSQL2)
dcTrafficConn.Execute(theSQL3)
dcTrafficConn.Execute(theSQL4)
sSQL = "SELECT site_id, site_daily_force FROM tblTrafficTrade WHERE site_daily_force > 0"
set sRS = dcTrafficConn.Execute(sSQL)
if not sRS.EOF then
do while not sRS.EOF
thisID = sRS(0)
theForce = sRS(1)
blnSRS2 = true
set sRS2 = dcTrafficConn.Execute("SELECT * FROM tblTrafficTradesSetup WHERE target_type='site_id' and target_keyfield_id=" & thisID)
if not sRS2.EOF then
thatID = sRS2("target_id")
else
blnSRS2 = false
end if
set RS2 = nothing
if blnSRS2 = true then
sSQL2 = "UPDATE tblTrafficTradesSetup SET target_ratio=target_ratio+" & theForce & " WHERE target_id=" & thatID
else
sSQL2 = "INSERT INTO tblTrafficTradesSetup (target_type, target_keyfield_id, target_ratio) VALUES ('site_id'," & thisID & ", " & theForce & ")"
end if
dcTrafficConn.Execute(sSQL2)
sRS.MoveNext
loop
end if
set sRS = nothing
Application("traffic_LastTrafficReset") = now()
Application("traffic_box_content") = ""
end if
if (dateDiff("n",toplist_reset,now()) > 10) or (Application("traffic_box_content") = "") then
theSQL5 = "DELETE FROM tblTrafficSetup WHERE setup_name ='toplist_reset'"
theSQL6 = "INSERT INTO tblTrafficSetup (setup_name, setup_value) VALUES('toplist_reset','" & now() & "')"
dcTrafficConn.Execute(theSQL5)
dcTrafficConn.Execute(theSQL6)
Application("traffic_box_content") = ""
'First - Get a Count of Sites
countSQL = "SELECT COUNT(*) " & _
"FROM tblTrafficTrade " & _
"WHERE tblTrafficTrade.site_active=" & dbTrue & " AND tblTrafficTrade.site_anonymous<>" & dbTrue & " AND tblTrafficTrade.site_new<>" & dbTrue & " AND tblTrafficTrade.site_blocked<>" & dbTrue & " "
set TCountRS = dcTrafficConn.Execute(countSQL)
if not TCountRS.EOF then
intTCount = TCountRS(0)
else
intTCount = 0
end if
set TCountRS = nothing
if intTCount > 0 then
blnShowAllSites = false
Application("dcTrafficSiteCount") = intTCount
if intTCount > 12 then
intTCount = 12
blnShowAllSites = true
end if
theRows = cint(intTCount / 3)
if (intTCount mod 3) = 1 then
theRows = theRows + 1
end if
redim Rows(theRows,3,3)
strSQL = "SELECT tblTrafficTrade.site_id, tblTrafficTrade.site_name, " & _
" tblTrafficTrade.clicks_in, tblTrafficTrade.clicks_out " & _
"FROM tblTrafficTrade " & _
"WHERE tblTrafficTrade.site_active=" & dbTrue & " AND tblTrafficTrade.site_anonymous<>" & dbTrue & " AND tblTrafficTrade.site_new<>" & dbTrue & " AND tblTrafficTrade.site_blocked<>" & dbTrue & " " & _
"ORDER BY tblTrafficTrade.clicks_in DESC , tblTrafficTrade.total_clicks_in DESC , tblTrafficTrade.date_last_click_in DESC"
'Add/Remove "clicks_in > 0" above so that it doesn't limit current sites.
set TrafficRS = Server.CreateObject("ADODB.Recordset")
TrafficRS.Open strSQL, dcTrafficConn, 0, 1
if not TrafficRS.EOF then
trafficCount = 0
theX = 0
theY = 0
do while not TrafficRS.EOF and trafficCount < 12
trafficCount = trafficCount + 1
if trafficCount <= theRows then
theX = trafficCount-1
theY = 0
elseif trafficCount <= (theRows*2) then
theX = (trafficCount - theRows)-1
theY = 1
else
theX = (trafficCount - (2*theRows))-1
theY = 2
end if
Rows(theX,theY,0) = "" & _
TrafficRS("site_name") & ""
Rows(theX,theY,1) = trafficCount
Rows(theX,theY,2) = TrafficRS("clicks_in")
Rows(theX,theY,3) = TrafficRS("clicks_out")
TrafficRS.MoveNext
loop
traffic_box_content = ""
for i = 0 to theRows-1
traffic_box_content = traffic_box_content & " | "
for x = 0 to 2
thisTrafficCount = (i+1) + (x*theRows)
if Rows(i,x,0) <> "" then
traffic_box_content = traffic_box_content & "| #" & Rows(i,x,1) & " | "
traffic_box_content = traffic_box_content & "" & Rows(i,x,0) & " " & " | "
else
traffic_box_content = traffic_box_content & " | "
traffic_box_content = traffic_box_content & " | "
end if
next
traffic_box_content = traffic_box_content & " " & vbcrlf
next
Application("traffic_box_content") = traffic_box_content
end if
TrafficRS.Close
set TrafficRS = nothing
Application("traffic_toplist_reset") = now()
end if
else
if pullNumber(Application("dcTrafficSiteCount")) > 12 then
blnShowAllSites = true
end if
end if
if Application("traffic_box_content") = "" then
strOutput = "There are no sites to currently display!
| "
else
strOutput = Application("traffic_box_content")
end if
%>
<% if application("traffic_site_of_moment") <> "" then %>
| Site of the Moment: <% = application("traffic_site_of_moment") %> |
<% end if %>
<% = strOutput %>
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<%
dcTrafficConn.Close
set dcTrafficConn = nothing
function pullNumber(val)
val = trim(val)
if isNumeric(val) then
pullNumber = val
else
pullNumber = 0
end if
end function
%>
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|
 unky Shit Update! - 27.10.03 :: Funkmaster Mike |
|
Almost There... Yeah Funk That Shit!
As we said last week, we're trying to bring the site back. We moved servers and some of the files are
still missing, and we may or may not be able to fix them. For that shit which we can't find, we're going to replace with more shit. So, be patient a little longer, and things should be sorting them self out soon. In the meantime, if you have anything you can contribute to the
cause (pics, videos, flash, etc.), forward them to me at funkmaster@funkyshit.org.
|
| unk You! - 19.10.03 :: Funkmaster Mike |
|
Good News... Bad News
The Good News is that we've decided to bring the site the funk back.
The Bad News is that we are trying to get everything working again and it
may take a little time. So have some patience and look here for the latest
and greatest in FunkyShit! If you have anything you can contribute to the
cause (pics, videos, flash, etc., forward them to me at funkmaster@funkyshit.org.
|
|
unk Update - 20.06.03
:: Drunken Dave |
|
Well, I can officialy say, Im one lazy fucker. I havent
updated this piece of shit in over a month. I've had
my reasons, cow
mutilation, flying shopping trollies, etc. the usual
shit. Infact, I dont even know what the fucks happened
in the last month, its been one complete
blur.
Being as im sitting here half cut, I thought I'd scribble
some meaningless ramblings. I've had countless emails
moaning; 'when the fuck is the site going to be updated?',
'are you dead?', 'how big is your cock?'
that kinda thing. Well heres your fucking update people!
quit the moaning.
Roll on with the Naughty Stuff......
Funky Videos (Click to download)
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Spoof Honda
Advert
|
Idle Thumbs Uncut
|
The Third Husband.....
A middle aged man and woman meet, fall in love, and
decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle
into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says
to her new groom, "Please promise to be gentle,...
I'm still a virgin."
The startled groom says "How can that be? You've
been married 3 times before."
"Well you see it was this way: My first husband
was a psychiatrist and all he ever wanted to do was
talk about it."
"My second husband was a gynaecologist and all
he ever wanted to do was look at it."
"And my third husband was a stamp collector and
all he ever wanted to do was...God, I miss him!"
We have some Tits!....... Click a picture
to view the gallery.
We have some Gash!........ Click a picture
to view the gallery.
Circumcision......
A Jewish boy was walking with his girlfriend on the
grounds of his father's house. His father was a successful
doctor, and was carrying out a circumcision in the on-site
surgery.
As they were walking, they heard a scream and a foreskin
flew out of the window and landed at the girl's feet.
"What's this, "she asked.
"Taste it," he replied, "If you like
it, I'll give you a whole one!"
Funky Toons (Click to enlarge)
Skydiving.....
At the skydiving training course, the instructor would
take time to answer some of the First Timer Questions.
One guy asked: "If our chute doesn't open.....and
the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have till we
hit the ground?" The instructor looked at him and
in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your
life."
More Funky Videos (Click to download)
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Truth in Advertising
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Mighty Mouse
|
Its X-Rated Bob the Builder!! What a little hottie,
really looks the part holding that wheelbarrow.
Little Johnny.....
Little Johnny is playing in the street one day when
this stranger pulls up in his car. The stranger says
"Psssssst! Hey kid!", "Yeah?" replies
Johnny. And the stranger says, "Kid, I'll give
a piece of candy to come in my car." Little Johnny
replies, "Give me the whole damn bag and I'll come
in your mouth!"
Funky Pictures (Click to Enlarge)
Big Dicks....
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their
physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised
to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long,
oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the
brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file.
"Your father's the reason for your elongated penises
?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother?" the doctor asked. "You
idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but
she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us
out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best as she
could."
For any of you people in the UK that watch Big Brother,
you may or may not appreciate this topless picture of
sissy:
Random Funk!
Read
my Boobs - Butt
Art - Meat
Shake - Police
Sniper - Grab
a Car
And of course, there are a few people
out there I have to mention, even though their sites
are utter crap, its best to humour them, here they are:
Wanker
Network - Reds
Porno - Slapass
- Mental
Ernie
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unk Update - 13.05.03
:: Drunken Dave |
|
Just to let people know, I havent forgotten about the
site! It was my Birthday on Saturday and im still recovering!
I promise a massive Funk Packed update tomorrow, but
in the meantime click all of the links below atleast
once and receive some free oral from my Gran! Deal or
what?!?
Dirty
Ernie's XXX - Wasted
Chicks - Ebaums
Humor Portal
If your still bored after perusing the
above sites, then be sure to check out the Funk Archives,
masses and masses of shit to keep you busy! ->>
Funkchives!
|
|
unk Update - 01.05.03
:: Drunken Dave |
| It seems that
all you guys do when you reach the site is head straight
for the porn, which isnt neccesarily a problem, but
your missing out on the other great features of the site!!
I have toyed with the idea for a long time, but now its
going to happen. I will be adding a shiny new addition
to the network; a 100% free Porn Site! So watch this space.
I was sent this by email the other day, found it quite
interesting, yet slightly worrying. If it is for real,
then it looks like I have a killers mentality. Click
here to find out if you have!
Ever wondered what its like to get your hands on one
of those Hot
Moms you occasionaly see parading around and fuck
the lights out of her? These crazy guys over at MILF
Hunter do just that. They track down some of the hottest
MILF you've ever seen and have their way with them
on Cam!!
>> Webmasters: Give your
sites traffic a boost. sign up to the referral list
by Clicking
Here.
Bring on the Funk.......
Funky Videos (Click to download)
Marital Aides.....
A frustrated wife decided her sex life needed spicing
up so she went shopping and picked up a pair of crotchless
panties.
She went home and donned the new panties and selected
a short skirt to go with them. She greeted her husband
when he came home from work and sat across from him
sipping a glass of wine.
She slowly spread her legs..."Would you like some
of this?"
"No way !! Look what it's done to your knickers
!!"
Free Porn Galleries!
Two Palestinian girls are walking down Jerusalem high
street in their flowing gowns.
One turns to the other and says, "Does my bomb
look big in this ?"
Funky Articles
Cannabis FAQ
New! - Funkyshit
Kama Sutra - Top10's
for Sex - Better Bondage
Guide
Funky Pictures (Click to enlarge)
Monkeys....
A lorry driver breaks down on the M6 with a cargo of
live monkeys on board, bound for Chester Zoo. They need
to be delivered by 9:00 am and the driver fears he will
get the sack if they don't get there on time. He decides
to try and thumb a lift for his monkeys and eventually
an Irish lorry driver pulls over. "Where they going?"
asks the Irish chap. "Do us a favour mate and take
these to Chester Zoo for me" says the driver, "and
here's a hundred quid for your troubles."
"Happy days," says the Irish fella, loads
the monkeys onto his truck and gets on his way. The
lorry driver goes about trying to fix his truck and
is there for a good few hours when he notices the Irish
fella coming back down the motorway, still with all
the chimps on board. Panicking, he flags him down again.
"What are you playing at," he fumes, "I
told you to take them to Chester Zoo!"
"I did," says the bemused Irish fella, "but
there is still fifty quid left so now we're going to
Alton Towers."
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|
Big thankyou to Susy for sending
the following pics in! Site support is always
appreciated. Be sure to pay her site a visit by
clicking
here! |
Little Billy
Little Billy goes to school, and the teacher says,
"Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words,
class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable
word?"
Billy says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles
and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful."
Little Billy says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking
of a blowjob."
Free Porn!
>>
Go and grab all of Missy's pictures and full length
movies over at Big Naturals!! <<
Funky Videos (Click to download)
Positive Thinking
After days in the wilderness Paddy and Mick stumble
into a bar in the wild west and ask for two beers. Unfortunately
they've got no money and the barman won't give them
credit. Just then a bloke walks in with a Red Indian's
scalp on his belt. The barman shakes his head and says,"I
hate Indians. Last week the bastards burnt my barn to
the ground, raped my wife and killed my children. If
any man brings me the scalp of a Red Indian I will give
them 1,000 dollars."
The two Irishmen look at each other and then go off
to find a Red Indian...
later that day they see one, and Mick throws a stone
which hits the Red Indian on the head. The Indian falls
off his horse but lands 70ft down a ravine. Paddy and
Mick dash down into the ravine where Paddy starts scalping
the Indian.
Suddenly Mick says,"Paddy look at this...."
Paddy says,"In a minute."
"No, look at this....,"says Mick.
"No, can't ya see i'm fookin busy....."
Mick grabs hold of him and Paddy looks up and sees 5,000
Indians standing at the top of the ravine.
"Fook me," says Paddy, "we're gonna
be millionaires."
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Lesbian action as requested by Boopsie! Hope this is
alright for you......
Love Girl on Girl action? Fuck who doesnt!!
Check out thousands of Lesbian Hotties and full length
high quality movies over at Lesbo Erotica!! ->>>
Lesbo
Erotica!!
More Funky Videos! (Click to download)
Random Funk
Reader Mail
Name: Morticia
URL: http://www.geocities.com/morty_baby/
I was in the automotive section of the local hardware
store with my husband a while ago, when I chanced upon
a rakishly-angled 'all-purpose' funnel in the oil section.
Bright blue it was, 12 inches in length with a slim
build, handy for those hard-to-get places under the
hood. Hoo boy, I had been looking for one of those babies
since I was stuck in a long ferry lineup and tried to
pee into an empty paper cup with a car full of ppl and
luggage. Seizing my prize, and with a loud "LOOKIT
what I found!" I cupped it to my jeans-clad crotch
with the appendage pointing out in front of me, and
turned to proudly show the S/A. The S/A was nowhere
in sight, but the nice gentleman with his little boy
in tow were both suitably impressed. I found the S/A
one aisle over and chased him around the automotive
section with it gripped between my legs, grunting like
a pig to pay him back. I secretly think that this could
be the reason why I am not allowed back there with him.
Now I can pee into any empty container whilst in a vehicle,
but more importantly, those annoying little piss-stops
out in the bush are less dangerous. Any female who has
drunkenly tried to piss whilst squatting and holding
apparel out of the way knows what I mean. I can now
just undo the button and zipper of my pants, tuck that
baby in and pee against a tree. I know I know, I *am*
the self-confessed QUEEN of peeing standing up, straddling
the toilet bowl like a WWF wrestler squeezing the head
of an opponent. And yep...I can write in cursive the
amended works of Shakespeare with all the t's crossed
and all the i's dotted in the snow. Mind you it takes
3 and a half city blocks. But to do that I actually
have to be nekkid, otherwise I would soil my clothes
and have to sell
them on Ebay. So this funnel will really come in handy.
Still stuck for something to do? Get yourself along
to the Fuzed Forums, a great chat community where everything
and anything goes! -> Fuzed
Forums!
Respected Sites
b0g#@!
- Eboogyman
- Wasted
Network
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